I knew I was supposed to be “Mom” to these kids, but I was snapping, lecturing, even belittling.
I was sure I was supposed to write, but my words felt wooden, so much less than “that other writer’s.”
I felt called to offer help, but I may have messed up a friendship.
And as the sole organizer of my home, I found myself misplacing everything.
Self-demeaning words flooded my mind. In italics, naturally:
I’ve felt the battle raging lately:
Will I let the enemy debilitate me through my failures? Or will I let God refine me through them?
While wallowing in self-pity frequently holds morbid appeal, today I choose to claim these failures for good.
1) They force me to recognize my inadequacies.
It’s clear to me (again) that I need Jesus. Like, if there weren’t already several hymns and choruses written about needing Jesus every hour, I would compose one now. And another one tomorrow…
The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians about glorying in his weaknesses so that he could boast in Christ’s strength. He talked about being a vessel of clay. The kind that breaks.
The kind that is so full of holes that it completely reveals what’s on the inside.
I can tell you right now, I am full of holes. The only way I can be used is to be filled with Jesus.
2) They show me where I can grow.
I could write it off as just a random “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.”
On the other hand, I could fall into a pit of despair.
Or I could take a realistic look at it.
Are there areas I can improve in?
- I can pray and think about how to parent proactively instead of reactively.
- I can persevere and improve my writing skills.
- I can humbly help friends when prompted by God, but also learn to rest in Him if the results aren’t what I want.
- I can take the next step in bringing order to my home.
This is the stuff life is made of. Why would I not want to seize the opportunity to grow into the “me” that Jesus is creating?
3) They point out the adequacy I have through Christ.
- If my Heavenly Father chose these five children especially for me, He will supply me with the grace and wisdom to parent them.
- If God has called me to write, He will equip me to do the job and provide the resources to help me grow into that calling.
- If God saw fit to drop this friendship in my lap, He’ll accomplish something good even when speaking the truth in love is hard.
- If God chose me to be the Director of Operations in my home, He’ll enable me to bring proper order to the chaos.
When God created me, He designed me, and me alone, for my callings. My weaknesses, failures, skills, and talents are all a part of that.
And all of it — the dreams, the successes and the failures — pull me closer and closer to Him.
That’s what it’s all about.
Where are you in all of this? Failing? Growing? Dreaming? Despairing?
Can I hold out a hand to you as you step out of the sludge that wants to pull you under? I’m still wiping the filth off my own shoes, but maybe if we walk together, we’ll help each other avoid getting slimed by failure again.
No, I don’t think we’ll avoid failing, but I do know we can point each other to all that’s true.
Together we can laugh, learn, and let Jesus shine through all the holes.
But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves. (2 Corinthians 4:7)
Praying for you, friend!